Journey through heartbreak and love


Love has worn many facades.

It’s been traumatic. Sorrowful.

Love letter part I

Love hasn’t defeated me.
It has only been altered.
Made into the truth that was there all along.
Temporary insanity conquered and terminated.
My heart remains unrecognizable. Brutalized, criss-crossed wounds over scars.
I waited for the day to finally hear you say you were grateful and we were bound forever.
To know that everything I ever wrote was worth saving.
But now that I have, these words run empty through me.
The notion evincing nothing more than a simple smile. Yet left as paranoid as ever.
Fate stole every bittersweet dream. Who’s to say it won’t swallow you up along with it?
A different stage of love and value. It lays dormant… hiding away.
Just too numb to feel the pain it is capable of creating again.
Alas your eyes have opened wide. You see who I am… who I’ve always been.
As I’ve started to see you for who you really are. I could have left everything in ruins for you.
Lived my life, losing nothing I hadn’t already lost.
Those precious sentiments. Instead I chose the higher road.
Now watching along the sidelines as we continue. Shaping us as we’re meant to be.
Testing our minds, stripping our souls. Perpetual tug-of-war between gain and loss.
I used to say time agreed with us. Perhaps it still does.
Maybe time will always agree with us, as long as we breathe the same air.
Strengthening this curious connection between us. Finalizing it. Or destroying everything we ever thought it was.

It’s been forbidden. Lustful.

Love letter pt II

In another life, I think I could have fallen for you.
I think I would have felt like a beautiful amazing woman.
Perhaps a better person, openly adored.
Somebody that was filled with endless happiness, simply by being around you.
Offering my entire being and having it granted in return.
At peace, comfortably laying at your side. Taking in your scent and sighing dreamily.
Desired on more than one level. Truly appreciated and genuinely cared for.
Just laughing at the world with you, no room for sadness.
Waking up with a sweet smile on my face. Maybe my heart would have been lighter.
And quite possibly, I could have soaked you in completely and never regretted any moment.
Through ups and downs, at least I would have known indefinitely that I was loved.

It’s been passionate. Addictive.

Love sick poetry

He remains stoic
handsomely vain
crippled by the jaws
of oblivious states
a child’s youth
within his smile
eyes mocking
their own inner grief
soothing words
attempting not to sting
a maimed heart
emotionally resistance
complicated mouth
where words can not deceive
questionable sighs
inspiring butterfly aches
stalking fantasies
in his devilish favor
spine curled in desire
passionate gasps
tainting every inch of flesh
with eternal lust
mysteriously seductive
inhibited to beg for release
savoring the feel
and taste of his sex
the very essence of his being
renders her powerless

It’s been troubling. Disappointing.

Slightly scattered contemplation

The words are quite clear in her head, but those piercing eyes distract.
Her outer voice is completely lost, nervousness and fear constricting her throat.
Falling into a trap of kisses and caresses, muddled by conflicting waves of thought.
Could either say too much and admit vulnerability or say nothing at all and bow her head.
Submit to silence’s perceivable blade, taking keen strikes at her chest.
Each time she’s waiting just around the corner and over the edge.
Choking on the tears envisioned in her heart, steadying the hand that pries open the wound.
But even if it scars, at least she won’t be forgotten.
Snatching up those brief moments, already hungering for the next quick taste.
Almost like it’s ending before it even started. How much fuel is she really running on here, when it continues to feel like it’s not enough.
If only she could ask for it all, without ever ruining a good thing.
It gets kind of lonely sometimes, holding back so much of herself.

Her undoing

With redemption’s blade, carve my beating heart right out of my chest and cradle it in your mouth. Choke on this essence of abuse. If I bottled these butterfly emotions into a glass jar, would you know them better? Staring wide-eyed with shades of a smile, as these wings spread open, could you begin to see.
Every spoken word you mouthed, left a blood trail on my wrist.
One deceit after another frantically stitched upon my naked flesh.
I should have known the day I gave my heart, body and soul to the devil, that I was going to hell.

Each time hurt worse than the last.

Even if I could set these words on fire and watch them burn, the memories will never go up in flames. They remain imprinted forever.

Some relationships have an expiration date. But they should always teach you something.

If loving someone else means you can’t love yourself or be happy, always choose YOU over them.

First love.. greatest love.. uncertain love. Different experiences. All battles of woe.

I’ve never been the same.

I have no regrets.

Despite all the heartbreak.. love can be beautiful.

I wake up startled by a nightmarish dream. I peek over at you to see if you’re awake. The curtains are pushed open slightly to let in the cool breeze and I watch the sun light dancing on your face. My fingertips stroke your hair gently. I turn back around and bury my face into the pillow. Bringing the sheets closer to my body. Like a magnet, I feel you pull me closer. Your head presses into my back, as you wrap your arms around me. I smile and close my eyes.

A exhilarating vision of beauty, touch, smell, feeling and desire. I am yours and you are mine. My best love.