Making a decision to start over

carl-heyerdahl-181868

Breathe. Exhale.
Banish self-doubts
Dissecting thoughts
Seeking coherency
Exposing battle scars
Prioritizing sanity
Occupying a space
Muse on my shoulder
Spewing imperfection

The blinking cursor is no substitute for the notebook scribbles.

I am cheating on my career.

I am not inspired by what I do in the office nor am I fond of the politics. But I can not turn my back on it. It is my source of currency. My means of support. It doesn’t have to be the center of my universe. And it will no longer define me.

I love learning new words and flipping through dictionaries. I enjoy reading and imagining different worlds and brilliant characters. I seek out inspirational stories and interesting films/animation. Writing means everything to me. I am inspired through all of my senses. I want to discover and create by continuing to expand my mind. Broaden my knowledge. Motivate others to search deep within themselves and live passionately, despite hardships, emotional setbacks and tedious careers.

I’ve created goals for myself and allocated time frames throughout the day to build up these skills and push for results.

I’ve used this time away to figure out how to become enchanted with life again.

I am moving across the country next year and will leave this place behind. Any stories are welcome.

I’ve read different people’s experiences for over a year now, and some fell into their new lives easier than others. The most common advice was “You just have to do it“. Save what you can and just go. It’s part of the adventure. So we’re going to do it, no matter what happens.

Fear has crippled some of my decision making. But every part of me knows that I need to leave this city. Being familiar with a place because it’s all I know doesn’t mean I feel comfortable in it. If I keep waiting for the right moment, whenever that is, I’ll be stuck here forever.

You only live once. Be brave.

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